Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Still Sporadic

I feel like a total waste in my inability to muster the strength to post lately. Things are rough. Deadlines are looming. I've been selfish and kept my daily thoughts of Tim to myself. I've been silly, and kept my worries about the race to myself. I've been absent, and kept pretty much to myself.

I need to be done with a draft of my dissertation like... two weeks ago. This last chapter just doesn't want to get writ.

But that's not the point here... (no matter how much I love to vent)

The point is, I hope you all know...

It doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about Tim, It doesn't mean that I'm not going to finish the race, and it doesn't mean I don't have more to share.

I am, I am, and I do.

So please don't give up on me.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012


"Hey pally-boy"

It was always weird when I got a call from that cell phone, and it was Tim on the other line, rather than my mom, but his greeting was always the same. (To be fair, the normal process was that my mom would call, but the phone would always be passed to Tim eventually). When Tim made the call, there was always a reason.

At least a few times, that reason was because it was after 8pm on September 30, and he wanted to make sure that I didn't wait too late to call my mom and say 'Happy Birthday.' In fact, on that day, he would call anyone who he thought may have forgotten, or anyone my mom had recently talked about, and tell them "So I'm going to hang up, and then you call right back." It guaranteed that she would be around to answer, and it guaranteed that she would receive happy birthday phone calls all day long. It was one of the stupid little things that he did to show he loved her, one of the millions of good examples he set.

Of course, today is May Day, and that means that Tim would be 53 today.

Until and including 2009, I was always in school on Tim's birthday, and I don't think I ever spent the day with or celebrated with him. Instead, I always called him, especially because his proactivity for my mom let me know how important he thought such calls were. In 2009, the family had a surprise 50th for him (which I didn't even know about until I called while it was happening!) and from what I hear, he was both thoroughly surprised and ecstatic. I think that May Day is going to be rough for me, filled with regrets about not having celebrated this day with Tim. That said, I really want to open this blog up to comments today, and really urge anyone reading to comment describing an experience you had with Tim on one of his birthdays. So tell us, what is your favorite Timmy birthday memory?